SINGLE? FRUSTRATED? TEMPTED TO SETTLE?
Wheeewwww well, hello sunshine’s!! I know some of you might be thinking, Girl, where have you been? lol. I've been here... well, not necessarily here as in blogging, but I have been a tad bit more active on IG (follow me if you aren't doing so already), as I will only post more on the blog as I feel a need to.
I shared a post on my IG feed that had gotten quite a few engagements, DM's, shares, and I thought it'd be necessary to elaborate more on it as I do see many single women that desire marriage and have been waiting for some time now are finding themselves either waiting wrong or have become wearied while holding on by a thread. The truth is, hope deferred does make the heart sick. Quite frankly, it doesn’t matter how strong you may think you’re in your faith, or how much of an independent woman you call yourself, if you desire marriage and have been counting down the days, months, or years, then you have and or are being tested while waiting.
Hitting a low point in your love life
When you “think’ your expiration date for being single is up, but have somehow surpassed the deadline of when you should be married, you’ll begin to question who you are, who God is, and if not careful, your willingness to trade in your destiny, peace of mind, purity for a fling will look very much so appealing in that moment.
I’ve seen women in the faith that started off waiting well and rooted in God, throw in the towel by settling for a counterfeit and now that “shouldn’t have been” relationship has quench their fire. I’ve seen women in the faith that started off waiting well and rooted, halt pursuing God because they felt overlooked in the department of love, marriage, and motherhood. I have also witnessed women in the faith, started off waiting well and rooted, but because time has gone by, they doubt if it would ever happen and have convinced themselves to not desire marriage (I’ve been there). To be honest, the wait isn’t for the faint-hearted, and if you’re weak in this area, take heart because you’re not alone. However, I’ve learned that waiting well help strengthens you to not fumble in your journey!
I find it very important that when (not if) you find yourself getting weary of waiting for what you hoped for and desire, but it has not happened yet, you must know how to continue to build yourself UP. I know some of you may have sighed at the sound of this, because you’ve heard it so many times, but it’s absolutely true. We must be emotionally stable with a keen vision not to throw in the towel because we’ve perceived that time is running out, and so are our prospects.
Just so you all have an idea where I am coming from with this post, I’ve been single for about 7+ years now (haven’t dated either, my friends will tell you), and haven’t been sexually active since February 2016. However, to clarify this with some of you, being celibate doesn’t mean purity. Though I wasn’t sexually active does not necessarily mean my heart and mind was always pure in those seven years of waiting. In those years of waiting, I was still detaching my sacred being from a soul tie, and my heart overall was still divided in other things that were not good for my growth; nor would it had been beneficial to my husband had I been married. I say all this to tell you, I know what it means to be in waiting (while still being active in life, purpose, God), tempted, celibate, and wonder if this desire of mine would ever come to pass. Trust me, sis I get it!
The Dusty Bride Sash
I'd shared with my IG fam that as I was cleaning out my closet I found a bride sash that a close friend of mine had gifted me back in July 2019, as a reminder that it will happen despite how long I've waited for it, because God is a promise keeper! So, there it is, a sash that has collected dust while it was tucked away in my closet. As I picked up the sash the many thoughts and feelings that accompany singleness and waiting bombarded me. Many can attest to this when I say waiting on God isn’t always the easiest thing to do, especially when you cannot see how things will unfold. And this is where walking by faith and not by sight must be applied daily. I was having a conversation with a friend of mine as we expressed that many married women aren’t as open and honest as they should be on the ins and outs of waiting well as a single.
With that being said, here are a few tips I want to relate as reminders for the woman in waiting:
-CLEAN OUT YOUR CLOSET TO UPGRADE YOUR WARDROBE
A lot of times, and I can even attest to this too, we give access to certain entertainments to be a comfort as we wait for the real thing, not realizing you’re creating a barrier between where you are now to where you’d like to be. To make this as plain and simple as possible, keeping clothes that no longer fit you only takes up space in your closet. Many single women who desires love and marriage, the majority of them are delaying themselves because they’re still giving access to men that contaminate a growing version of who they’re becoming. Clean out your phone list, DM’s and let’s get back to setting boundaries and having boundaries that align with where you’re going. Sis, if you desire to be a wife, making time for a dude in relations with multiple women ain't it.
Are you settling for men who give a lot of lip service, but no action to back up their words?
Are you easily swayed by men who say they love God (blank stare) but their private life is deniably questionable?
And truth be told, the wait will have exposed what’s been dormant. One of the ways you can take time to dig deeper on working on yourself, and really deal with the matters of your heart without being distracted as a single is actually during the waiting.
-The sash being dusty doesn’t mean it won’t happen.
Waiting well is tough and challenging at times. Trust me, I know the struggle we singles face at times. It can get lonely, sometimes the feeling of being forgotten about would parade around your faith, as easy it is to get discouraged and impatient as you wait and wonder if you’re ever going to get married. But just because you feel that way doesn’t mean marriage won’t happen (if it’s God’s will for you).
Many are like, “But sis, if I get asked to be a bridesmaid ONE more time…” haha. Don’t do it, sis!! Whatever you’re thinking about doing, don’t indulge, DM me if you need accountability. But see, that frustration will rise up and when it does you must know how to combat these thoughts with truth. Recently, something triggered me and got me frustrated, and anxiety was beginning to creep in, but I was aware that the outcome can be different if I respond with truth. Even when I didn’t ‘feel” like speaking truth over myself in that moment, I command myself to do so. Because what I am not about to do, is make a rational emotional decision based on a moment that could’ve been used to strengthen me.
-MARRIAGE ISN’T THE ONLY THING IN STORE FOR YOU AND ME
I shared this in my EBook (download your copy here). Honestly, after crying out my eyes, and wasting time trying to make this time of love happen any sooner, I shifted by fixing my focus on other things that I actually have control of. If you know me then you just know that the important core aspect of my life is my relationship with God, and so I fixed my focus on building it, rather putting it on the backseat. While doing so, I was able to see what I can also create and develop as I continue to wait, because waiting doesn’t mean you ought to be bored and stagnant in life.
While waiting, I’ve experienced an abundance of love. I positioned myself to invest in building healthy, long-lasting relationships. I’ve learned to be content with who I am and discover new things about me that required me to sit down to evaluate and assess EVERY area of my life, even the parts I wasn’t too fond of. Laugh more, be happy and joyful about life, especially during the hard times- no one likes to be around a Debbie downer (learned that the hard way). I’ve learned to forgive more and set necessary boundaries to not repeat cycles. Serve others, build up my credit score, build my business, spend more time with my loved ones, get my body right, change my appetite, etc.
I mention all this to say, do not grow weary in preparing for what you’re praying for while enjoying the journey of where you are now. Don’t be afraid of outgrowing the old and cultivating new habits for a better YOU. Don’t stop living because you’re not a wife yet. Get to work; there’s more God wants to show you and do with you. At the right time, for that man you don’t need to settle, lower standards, or leave God, he will find you. Allow this man to find you enjoying all that YOU are in your lane, thriving.
